Schedule for Personal-Self Enrichment & Relationships Negotiating,
**NOTE: All of the programs which I offer are very unique and exclusively
created by me based on my own vast and diverse professional experience and research and
are based on the very solid positive and predictable results which I have achieved with my
clients over many years. All of my approaches and methodologies are presented with a
"unique slant," from the perspective of science, logic, and "normal"
Temperament, so I maintain a "no-fault" atmosphere where there is never a
"bad guy" in the process of solving problems. This is NOT "therapy,"
and it is like nothing else you have ever experienced before. If you or others in your
life are unhappy, but have not known where to go or what to do, sign up today because you
have just been rescued. My programs are not offered elsewhere. If you have had problems
without solutions, don't think that your situation has no solutions. I would
pledge my word
to you that you have found your solutions now because I can and will help.
As a coach, I take an educational/training approach to helping you find your strengths and
build on them; then I guide you smoothly to determine both your real needs and your
realistic short-term and long-term goals. Together, we discover your assets and challenges
and develop strategies for how best to employ them to flip your problems over to find
their solutions. Life is a dynamic process where we either grow or slide backwards. No one
can ever sit still. When you have determined that it's time for you get off your
"rock" and begin to reach for your personal "happiness," the
path can be very confusing and strewn with danger. Actually, you are embarking on a
"Search for the Holy Grail of Truth." It takes an experienced and
trustworthy hand to lead you on this vitally-important journey.. first into Self and then
to your Dreams. I am that experienced and trustworthy hand and I can and will lead you
safely on this Journey......if you will take my hand.
While I have been a "therapist" in the past (but certainly never conventional or traditional) working for community mental health agencies, I have always found that role to be very cumbersome and limiting in my private practice as I have created a very unique and effective educational model to go straight to the heart of the issues which trouble most of us who struggle to survive and find balance and happiness in the modern world. With my educational approach, I am able to "teach" you the real answers which you need NOW and provide them quickly, logically, concisely, and so that you may use them immediately and obtain real results immediately. A "therapy" model can take years to make notable progress. My educational model goes right to the heart of the issues so you will acquire by logic and documented science the pieces of a puzzle which has mystified you in the past. In my research I have made discoveries which are so unique that they would defy a conventional "treatment plan," and only make sense delivered as an "educational model." It is the eye-opening products of my years of research which I offer as valuable new insight for you.
With the tools and strategies I use related to the "Personal-Self Quest," we are ONLY ever working with extremely Logical and Credible Positives, and we begin immediately to build very unique perspectives on Self-Knowledge, Self-Esteem, and Self-Confidence on a plane where no one else has ever gone before. There are NEVER any "bad guys," and no one is ever "wrong" or "at fault," as would usually be the case in the conventional therapy model. With my educational/coaching approach, there are no faults and I am a positive, supportive, and responsible tool of education and guidance so you are a "learner" who is always relaxed, comfortable, with your dignity and your ego carefully and lovingly protected. No one need ever feel under attack, negatively vulnerable, or defensive. My coaching services are built on the educational model to be both safe and effective and I go right to the heart of the matter quickly and concisely so that the results are both uniquely effective and immediate. I am working from my own research and the amazing discoveries which I have made.. BEFORE...my book is out so that you may benefit NOW.
***Personal-Self Enrichment & Relationships Negotiating: (No Matter How Your Life Is Now, It Could Be Happier INSTANTLY!)
As I professionally guide you through a unique Journey of Self-Enrichment, you will build heightened and shared self-awareness, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-actualization, learning skills, and strategies for profoundly improving you personal and business relationships and communications with your life partner, significant other, spouse, children, parents, friends, business associates, and co-workers in the workplace. This workshop focuses on teaching Life Enrichment and Relationship Management skills with a very "different slant" from the perspectives of normal "Temperament" differences and other tools which are the unique and exclusive products of my amazing private research discoveries over the yearsand, thus, never before available to anyone. My coaching sessions are based purely on an educational model where there are "no faults," no "bad guys," where is no "therapy," an no need for it, and where the materials are all highly concise and bring instant results, NOW, when you need them the most..
|Personal-Self/ Inner Temperament: The
traditional social science formula used to express human temperament is O=B+E. Each of us is an
Organism which is the product of our Biology (Genes and Physical Makeup) and our
Environment (People and World Around Us). I believe that we are born with
our Personality, that it is biological, but that in our attempt to become
what we consider successful in life we learn coping skills (Learned
Behavior) and how we address the world around us creates a "Public
Mask" which can confuse us about who we are as we lose who we really
are and become who we perceive that we need to be. The "Personal
Self-Quest" is the guided process of digging past the "Public
Mask" to reclaim who we "REALLY" are.
Quest / Enrichment: This is my term for the Journey on which I lead you
inward to discover the components of who you really are as opposed to the behaviors you
have acquired to put protection between you and the world around you. In the
"Personal-Self Quest" you are in search of what is good, positive, and strong
about yourself and we attempt to identify your basic building blocks for
self-understanding and to build self-esteem and self-confidence. We are then building
"Inner Strength." The ultimate goal of the "Personal-Self Quest,"
after discovering your real self, is the Negotiation of successful relationships. On this
extraordinary journey, you will acquire a set of tools which are not obtainable any other
way. Our short-term goal is to discover your strengths, your needs, your resources, and
your dreams so that you are prepared to sit down eventually to barter for healthy, happy,
fulfilling relationships with all of those in your life, but mostly with a Life Partner.
The "Personal-Self Quest" is like the inventory and assessment process which a
person undertakes prior to the negotiation of a business partnership whereby they develop
strategies for determining their expectations of the business partnership and how much
they actually have in their "bank of resources" to invest and acquire their
Management / Negotiating: Ideally, the Relationship Negotiation (or
ReNegotiation, which is on-going) between two people in any relationship which is slated
for a bartering/bargaining process (which can be for life partnership, parent/child,
siblings, friends, etc.) should start with both parties embarking simultaneously on their
own "Personal-Self Quest" and sharing their discoveries about self as they
naturally unfold, learning about other, and understanding the similarities and the
differences between them. In the mutual discovery process there develops a sense of mutual
respect and understanding which has the potential of building the vital foundation for the
all-important Recognition and Affirmation within the relationship of intimacya major
mutual reward in successful relationships. This process is educational, so there are no
"Bad Guys" and no one is ever "wrong" or "at fault," which
is why this model of help is so valuable, positive, rewarding, and non-threatening to all
of the participants. In the traditional "Therapy" model, relationship help
usually has a "right" and a "wrong" and a "good" and a
"bad," so that one member of the couple often has to drag the other, nearly
kicking and screaming, to the counseling session. In my coaching sessions, there is no
such model and there are no "bad guys" nor anyone at "fault." So, all
egos are protected and both partners in the negotiation process start off on a positive
note and stay in balance on that positive note all the way through as they are led through
the process of Negotiating or ReNegotiating their relationship.
My Eight-Step program for successful Relationship Negotiation or ReNegotiation:
1. Mutual Personal-Self-Questing for each partner to discover their Strengths, Needs,
Resources, Dreams and focusing on Recognition and Affirmation.
2. Sharing these discoveries, learning and appreciating the Commonalties and
Differences between you and developing "win-win" strategies for
compromises in areas of difficulty.
3. Creating a private language for "Effective Communication."
4. Identifying the categories to be negotiated in your specific relationship.
5. Creating a set of rules and preparations to follow for the negotiation process.
6. The process of Negotiation and bartering for "mutual fulfillment of needs."
7. Setting Rules for what to do when problems arise.
8. Setting Strategies for ReNegotiating the relationship for the coming years as life
and circumstances changeHow to do the "Relationship Dance."
:**Note: I will educate you about the process in the workshops, but I cannot take individual partners through this process in a workshop. It is far too private, intensive, and cannot be accomplished in the limited time of the workshops. You may use your educational tools to negotiate your own relationship or you may schedule private appointments with me.
|Pre-Marriage Coaching / Negotiating: Most
people just fall or drift into marriage with expectations which may or may not be
realistic, and most of them either never discover the "real person" at the core
of their mate or they do so only after years of trial and error. Most people also go into
a relationship with the goal of finding "Happiness," but if you ask them to
define their idea of "happiness," they will look shocked and perplexed to have
such a question posed to them. I see this in my practice all the time and have for years
as both a professional educator attempting to mentor others and as a "therapist"
within the mental health community. "Happiness" is so different for each of us
and it is amazing that so few people have ever contemplated what their own personal
"happiness" really is. Many people think they will have "happiness" if
they can just make enough money to satisfy themselves. If they do accomplish making more
money, often they discover that they are still unhappy but more secure and comfortable in
their misery. I can say that I know at last what represents my personal
"happiness," and I can say that making that discovery was a long, hard,
challenging, and agonizing journey, which I am grateful to have behind me as I would never
want to have to go through it again. But Life is ever-changing and so are we, so
"happiness" also changes and the Journey continues.. but not in a state of agony
for the already-initiated.
Marriage today has become part of our "throw-away society" where we don't repair toasters and televisions, but just dump them in the trash and buy new ones. No one has enough lifetime to keep recycling relationships trusting to Lady Luck to put them with someone who will realistically be able to meet their life partnership needs. Marriage is a sacred lifelong commitment and, for it to be successful, it requires as much careful strategy and effort as any serious business partnership. However, most people never think to approach it logically, carefully, thoughtfully, searching for and applying insight and strategy. But, even if they have considered this possibility, there has never before been anyone out there to help guide them through the process. That is no longer true because I am here to help you now.
Now that my research is concluded, I am offering these services both within workshops and privately with individuals, partners, and families. (I, also, have had great success in re-bonding parents and their troubled adolescents.) You each need to discover your needs and your dreams. Then you need to discover your strengths and the resources which you have to bring to the table to barter for a happy and successful Life Partnership. You need to share your "Personal-Self" discoveries with your potential partner and learn to respect and admire your differences and how to create "win-win" solutions to the predictable problems which your new insight will reveal. Next, we need to develop a language of "Effective Communication," which works specifically for both of you. After all of these factors are in place, then we all need to create a strategy for the bartering process and then sit down at the bargaining table and use these components to barter for the relationship. Finally, we then begin the process to Negotiate a Marriage between Life Partners who are desirous of committing for a lifetime of love and intimacy and successful partnership. It is a serious Process and for both partners to form a bond of lifetime Love, Intimacy, Commitment, Fulfillment, Respect, Trust, Recognition, Affirmation... the mutual needs must be acknowledged, discussed, and terms and rules agreed upon as to how the process of mutual fulfillment for a lifetime of successful partnership will take place.
|Life Skills: While
this could be considered a very broad term, I consider it more of a mentoring relationship
with those who are having problems "fitting in" with their peers or in specific
social, academic, or career environments. Often it's more a matter of not having learned
specific social cues, non-verbal communication, having rare learning styles, having rare
temperament, or not having learned effective coping skills for anger, frustration, and
fear. Because each case is so different, I work with you or your child on a
"demand-feed" basis providing what is needed as those needs are presented to me.
I may work one-on-one or with groups desiring a workshop or Peer-Encounter, Round-Table approach. Children of all ages really do benefit from all forms but they particularly value the "Peer-Encounter" opportunity of voicing their feelings safely to peers, getting feedback from them, and having the shared support. Safe empowerment for children is a very valuable quality which is very often missing from their lives. Sometimes parents attend some part of these meetings, where the children are in charge, and participate in troubleshooting problems and there is an important bonding process which takes place as a result. I highly endorse such supported opportunities for children and encourage parents to put organize a group for this purpose. Children are encouraged to speak freely, so I will require written permission from parents for their minor children to participate and one parent to always be in attendance.
Some, but not all, of the usual issues I am called upon to address are:
1. Low Self-esteem and Self-confidence.
2. Anger, Frustration, Fear coping skills and management.
3. Translating non-verbal language.
4. Career choices and options.
5. Learning styles and methodologies.
6. Organization and Time Management.
7. Stress Management.
8. Differences in Temperament.
9. Discomfort Eating.
ManagementSome Topics to be Explored:
ManagementSome Topics to be Explored: (in progress)
|Decision Strategies & Coping with FearSome Topics to be Explored: (in progress)|
Request: I have been accused before of being a "Judi of All Trades"
and a "problem-solving encyclopedia," and an "army of
one." I have spent much time contemplating
whether I have learned so much because of all the naive decisions I have made in my life,
and my struggles to survive them, or the seemingly-excessive curiosity which I naturally
have or the fact that all my life almost everyone I have ever known has come to me with
their problems and I have always been able to help and have always wanted to help. Helping
people always feels good to me. Very little of my knowledge comes from
school; most comes
from Life. I am most proud of the Ph. L. degree which I earned. I proudly wear
this highly-personal, privately-conferred, abstract, honorary "degree,"
"Philosopher of Life."
I don't exactly know how I come by so much knowledge, or if I'm a "breath mint" or a "candy mint," but I do seem to be "two mints in one" and I usually advise people to come to me first with their issues, questions, problems because there's a good chance that if I can't give them a fully-workable solution, at least, I probably have a good suggestion as to where they might find one. I advise people to regard me as a "resource person" and then they can decide which part of my "two mints in one" they need to employ.
So, if you need some kind of one-on-one guidance or a program or lecture or workshop, and I have not listed what you need, please address your concerns to me and I will dig into my archives to see what I can offer you to help solve your problems or guide you to the path which seems best for you to take. Often I even surprise myself, so maybe I will surprise you with something valuable which you have needed but which you have not been able to find elsewhere. Please, just drop me an e-mail or give me a call and we will put our heads together and brainstorm your needs until a "win-win" solution belongs to us. I specialize always in "Win-Win Solutions."
|Learning Style Assessment and Advisement:
We each function differently within the classical learning environment based on
many factors. One very important set of factors has to do with our temperament, much
of which is biological, and some of which is environmental. By the time we reach
school age, this "Learning Style" is pretty well set in concrete. Roughly 75% of
the population has pretty much one general style in common and both the public and most
private educational institutions are structured to meet the needs of that majority.
However, the other roughly 25% minority are actually those with the potential for being
the really high-achievers and "movers and shakers" of the world, but their very
different learning style is not recognized or taken into consideration or addressed and
largely goes totally misunderstood by the traditional, and even non-traditional,
educational systems. These students fall through cracks which don't even have a category
label in the school system other than the absolutely incorrect and destructive one
of "learning disabled."
In all of the cases of all ages of children and adults I have worked with over the years, I have never even heard of any educational professional considering these factors, testing for them, or teaching the student and family how to become aware and prepared and develop strategies for overcoming the limitations which meeting the needs of the majority only has on failing to meet the needs of the rare minority. These students are NOT identified as "Gifted" and put into the "Gifted Programs." In fact, they are identified as "Learning Disabled" and labeled as such and condemned to loss of self-esteem and development of self-fulfilling prophesies of failure. These students, who can be anywhere from Kindergarten to college age, end up not only struggling and often failing in the academic part of their education, but they also develop problems with disorganization, denial, avoidance, defiance, oppositional behavior, frustration, anger, and many other self-defeating attitudes and behaviors. No one knows what's wrong so no one knows what to do.
I see these problems more times than anyone can imagine and I can help. Help involves testing and redefining these students in very special and positive ways, starting to build self-esteem immediately, and then developing strategies which both the student and family will need to employ and support. Very often adolescent males are very angry and they resist cooperating. In most cases where these young boys refuse assistance and guidance, they prove to be the rare 25% of students who suffer some of the same issues which caused such notables as Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison to experience the academic institution as a torture chamber instead of a ticket to realizing their dreams. These precious students are not identified and helped by the educational system. Instead, the message to them is that they "don't fit" and are "different, weird, eccentric," and just generally "out-of-step" with everyone else.
Truthfully, they are "different," but in ways which make them the rare individuals who would shape and save our world for the benefit of all of us... if we can just recognize and support them instead of standing by helplessly and watching them being destroyed by a system which doesn't understand them and sends the message to them that they are somehow defective and not worthy human beings. Usually by the time I find them, they are struggling to survive and in a great deal of confusion and pain. They need very special means to identify them and teach them how to obtain their fair share of the resources in the educational institution so they can attain their unique potentials. They need our recognition, respect, trust, and support ... and we need them in our world if we want to see our world continue to meet our universal needs. These rare human beings are our hope for the future. If we don't identify them and support them, the future for all of us is in jeopardy. Knowledge is power and if they are unable to attain the knowledge they need from their education, what power should belong to them never will be theirs and what they can and should contribute to our world will never see the light of day. It's an urgent situation or all of us and this is an area of my specialty where I can and will helpand I do feel that help is urgently needed.
Learning Style Assessment and Advisement: The biological development and
architecture of the brain have a dramatic effect on how and what we learn. The Left
Hemisphere or Right Hemisphere of the brain may be dominant or, in rare instances, they
may be balanced. The Visual or the Auditory portions of the brain may be dominant or, in
rare instances, they may be balanced. Balance in either of the two opposing realms is very
unusual as normally one realm dominates over the other. However, how the architecture of
the brain operates will determine the Brain Learning Style and what kind of strategies
need to be employed for the most efficient learning to take place. Knowing the Brain
Learning Style of a child and that of the parent will help to determine the best ways for
a parent to approach a child so that communication will be more effective and learning
will take place more easily both in the home and at school.
|Math and Algebra Cure: When I was in
school, Math and Algebra comprised my Nemesis and changed my life in very painful and
compromising ways. It was not until I was an adult that I took on this miserable demon and
finally conquered it. Because I finally figured out all of the reasons why the
"System" failed me (I did not fail it!), I was able to understand, at last, what
had happened to me (and most of us who are lost in the "Math/Algebra Dungeon")
and triumphantly emerge with the demon swinging from the tip of my sword, conquered and
vanquished...with the ability to make A's in college-level Math/Algebra... and then
finally teach the darn stuff to those who have suffered as I have.
I began this Math and Algebra workshop while responding to the needs of students of all ages when I was a teacher in the learning lab at Indian River Community College. I discovered that everyone, regardless of age, who came to me for help was lost from the level of fractions and continued to be lost all the way through Word Problems, Percentages, Decimals, Positive and Negative Numbers, ALGEBRA (which someone once told me is an Arabic word for "the misery"), Ratio and Proportion, and Order of Operations. So, I begin this workshop explaining the "why and how" parts of how the "system" let us all down; then I build the self-esteem and the expectations of success. Then, I teach the "down-and-dirty-logical-simple" ways to do these math operations so they make perfect sense and so that you can understand them and remember them....quickly and concisely in about four hours. I created my handouts by hand several years ago so they would be nice and informal and user-friendly... and they are going to always stay that way! I never want them to look dull and institutional and "professional." They are HELP exactly "where and how" HELP is needed and they are "warm and fuzzy"and they are going to stay that way always! :-)
|Maximize Grades - Learn How to Learn: In the course of my vast
education and experience, I became an outstanding, high-achieving student, myself, and
developed a model of strategies for learning and achieving academic success which I have
shared with others for many years. Thus far, it has been reported to me by everyone whom I
have taught "how to learn," that they have all brought their grades up to a very
surprising degree. Now I have confidence that anyone who wants to learn my model and use
it for their own academic success can do so. I offer this training as a very concise and
brief program which I can deliver one-on-one or to groups as a lecture or workshop.
Test Anxiety: This model really is an extension of the "Learn How to
Learn" program. There is no way that I can separate these two concepts as they are
totally entwined, one within the other, so that one major outcome of this brief and
concise program is that in learning "how to learn," one learns to "overcome
test anxiety" and in learning how to "overcome test anxiety," one
"learns how to learn."
Writing Made Easy: As a student having to endure the crushing, and
ever-changing demands of the "Gordon Rule" in the Florida public school system,
I developed strategies for successful essay writing which I brought to the table to help
other students when I became a teacher in the CPI Lab, Center for Personalized
Instruction, at Indian River Community College. I was surprised and honored to learn that
the year I took the CLAST test, I made the highest score, a perfect score, on the essay
part of the test and that IRCC made the highest CLAST scores in the state.
Brains: One of the reasons I call myself a "Coach" instead of
defining myself more narrowly is that my interests and accomplishments are so wide and
diverse personally and professionally that defining myself as one profession or the other
would limit me in what I have to offer in any given situation. By defining myself more
loosely as a "Coach," I am free to cross the lines on all fronts and offer
knowledge, tools, strategies to satisfy whatever needs are expressed by those who turn to
me for guidance or information across a very wide and diverse spectrum of needs. In
addition to my background and skills in the fields of Education and Psychotherapy, I have
also been a professional Desktop Publisher, PC Computer Trainer, Web Developer, Graphic
Artist, Writer, and have a great deal of experience in the commercial printing industry
both PC and Mac-based and working cross-platform between the two. See my web site at www.vanitypenworks.com for more
Because of my diverse background, I offer myself to individuals and groups to freely throw their questions of all types at me and "Pick My Brains" at will within all of these categories. I have been called a "Judi of All Trades" before and I might surprise you with how much I really can troubleshoot and solve problems across a wide spectrum of areas. In fact, I have to say that this is one of my most enjoyable pursuits and that I find it a great deal of fun to offer myself for the diverse challenges of groups of people or individuals posing questions and problems for me to resolve. If you or your group would value such an eclectic opportunity, I can say that I may not know everything, but chances are that if you read my resume, you will have some idea of the range of knowledge and experience which I could offer you or your group in a "Pick My Brains" session.
I offer any and all of my programs or one custom-designed to meet your needs for lectures,
groups, speaking engagements or related to your organization in any way which will fit
your needs. If you need me to speak or conduct a group out of town and you will arrange
transportation and lodgings, I will be happy to accommodate you.
|One-on-One Coaching and Mentoring: As human beings we are each unique and there are no "one size fits all" answers for anyone. I have not written the book about my life and life experiences, and I will never have the energy to do so, nor would I want to have to relive my experiences in order to write about them, but my background is amazingly complex and inclusive of experiences which most people never have encountered. It does give me the advantage of being able to help and mentor others in an extremely wide and diverse range of areas which might otherwise require them to find many sources of help, if they would even know where to look or if there would even be anyone at all who would be qualified or capable of helping them. I can pretty much handle most areas where most people need help. The best way to ask me is to drop me an e-mail and I will carefully consider what help I can offer you. Judi, can you help me with this? Yes!|
Stifel, Life Coach, Relationship & Business Coach
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